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     So I don't particularly like horror that constantly tries to sell itself on "based on a true story" hype, and it usually has the end result of making it harder for me to suspend my disbelief long enough to enjoy getting spooked or scared. It's also probably best to keep in mind that some of those "true stories" were tragedies that had victims and left grieving friends and family. 
     
     Amityville Horror is one that I have always had in my consciousness as a horror fan of definitely being one of those that really pushed the "Based on a True Story" angle. (Was there a tragic and horrific murder that occurred in the house? yes. Was there supernatural goings-on? Eh, all I know is that there are still people living in the house to this day and even decorating for Halloween, although sadly those cool windows have been replaced (Reportedly to deter gawkers.)  Despite my dislike of True Story framing, it did feel like one of the iconic entries into the horror genre, so I finally got around to watching both the 1979 original, and the 2005 remake. 

I know the popular outlook is to dislike remakes on general principle, but the 2005 remake is just...much better all around than the original 1979 one. I have enjoyed performances from both James Brolin and Margot Kidder in the past, but...wow this was not an example of their finest work. Also, they had all the chemistry of a wet noodle while trying to convince me they were a loving and passionate couple excited to be in their new home.  And let's not even get into the awkward gratuitous partial nudity thrown in because...it was a horror movie in the 70s and Margot Kidder agreed to one exposed breast, I guess. The kid actors are...I'm sure they were perfectly nice kids, but just exactly what you think of when you think "annoying and stereotypical kid actors in a film" The entire pacing just didn't work for me, too much felt contrived without ever really making me care about the characters or the stakes. Maybe because it was used so effectively in the remake (which I watched first) but it felt like the boathouse was set up in foreshadowing , and then just...left as a thread that didn't really get woven into the narrative.

In the remake, the pace of everything just works better. I have to wonder if the time and metaphorical distance from the "True Story" gave the filmmakers more freedom to focus on telling a good story, and not worry about hewing as close to what was presented as the truth. Real life does not often present a tidy and compelling narrative. The kids received better direction and are more likeable, which ups the stakes, because we care about them, and therefore worry about them. The boathouse is effectively used as almost a character in and of itself. My favorite thing is the characterization of George Lutz (played by Ryan Reynolds.) He so clearly undergoes a personality change brought about by the house, instead of being about two small steps from being an abusive asshole from the beginning. (*cough* The Shining *cough* *cough* so so many other haunted house/possession movies with a male lead *cough*)  It's a change that makes it that much more disturbing, chilling, and heartbreaking in turns. 

"Les Affamés" is a French language Canadian film, that can be found under the title "Ravenous" in English on Netflix, but not to be confused with the Robert Carlyle vehicle of a few years back.

If you are looking for a scare a minute action-packed thrill ride in your horror movies, this is...not the movie for you.


What this is,  is one of my favorite horror movies that I've watched in quite some time. Much is done without much fanfare or affects. Even the music score is used sparingly, and there is time and space to breathe. The pacing is slow, and it seems to reflect the pace of life with horror and a kind of ennui coming in equal measures for the characters in a post-apocalyptic world. It sets up an atmosphere of low grade dread throughout, but never tips into complete bleakness or despair. There is hope and kindness and connection to be found here, even if it may not last for long. There is definitely humor, both that of someone desperately trying to hold on to some sense of normalcy, and moments of complete situational absurdity.

This movie in many ways the epitome of the dictum to "show, not tell." The spare, visual storytelling is so well done, it gives the viewer credit for being intelligent and does not delve into great amounts of unnecessary exposition. There is a definite sense of world-building here, but we are basically dropped into the middle of the world a while after everything has started happening, and some things are allowed to remain a bit of a mystery. Some things are allowed to remain a bit absurd. The behavior of our zombies ranges from terrifying moments to downright eerie and puzzling. I found the moments of stillness far more frightening and disturbing than the moments of them chasing after people full-tilt.

It feels important to mention that there is an accordion, but it is hard to articulate exactly why the accordion is so important, and that's kind of the point. As with all the best movies in the zombie genre, when you come right down to it, it is an exploration of what it means to be human.

So we heard about this Spanish language horror film on Netflix that was OHMYGOSHSOSCARY that people were turning it off before they finished watching. (Now in my world, turning off and not finding out how it all pans out usually bothers me, but still. I watch enough horror that this was promising in the "is it actually going to scare me" department.) We watched the trailer, and also found out that it was co-written and directed by Paco Plaza of [Rec] fame. (One of my favorite horror movies. That thing SCARED me) This is all sounding VERY. PROMISING.

So, we pulled up the Netflix, cuddled on the couch and watched this film:

And proceeded to be most thoroughly confused by anyone being scared enough to turn this off. Disturbed enough? Absolutely. (Content Warning-  it deals with child sexual abuse, definitely skip this one if that is a trigger for you.)  The next evening, Glenn came in and told me
"We watched the wrong movie."
"huh?"
"We watched the wrong movie."
"What do you mean?"
"There are two movies with the title Veronica on Netflix."
"Ohhhhhh. Well, that makes things make so much more sense."
"right?"

So, the Mexican horror movie Veronica had beautiful and lush cinematography, shot in gorgeous black and white. It was a psychological thriller with a serious side order of mind-fuckery. It had the sort of twist that honestly, I am usually pretty good at spotting, but I just had no clue where this one was going, and was thoroughly along for the ride. (There were one or two things that rubbed up against my suspension of dis belief pretty hard, but made perfect sense and worked perfectly well within the entire plot arc.) The slow burn, claustrophobic tension was amazing, and the actresses gave performances that while intense, did not veer into the melodramatic, which could have easily happened with the material.

Approximately a week later, we got around to watching the Spanish horror film Veronica

I liked this one. It didn't add anything terribly new to the "Possession" genre, but it also didn't end up feeling (like so many possession movies do) like it was just trying (and failing) to live up to The Exorcist. It also had some interesting imagery that wasn't the standard "white face. black eyes, stringy black hair demon"  that so many haunting movies in the US as of late seem to gravitate to. (I think this may be the lingering influence of a lot of the J-Horror from the early 2000s)  Having recently witnessed a total solar eclipse, the incorporation of that particular celestial event into the plot was a nice touch for me. The sun and eclipse imagery were not subtle, but I enjoyed it.

As with the best horror, this movie also works on more than one level. There is the standard "spooky" horror of ghosts/demons/possessions, but there is also the horror of the  oldest daughter being forced to take on far too much responsibility and grow up far faster than she should have to in a family where the father has died. In fact for the first sequence in the movie I was left wondering if she is just a very young mother until the relationships were clarified.  (I also appreciate that, despite the initial direction I thought they were going to go with the characterization of the mother, she was shown to be a loving mother just doing the best she could in a bad situation. Exhausted and frazzled yes, but still deeply caring.)

The world-building was fascinating and kept me interested, and most importantly the characters were great. (Nothing will get me to turn off a movie faster than if I dislike almost all the characters within the first ten minutes.) "Sister Death," the blind* nun, is a fucking delight. She embodies the typical "doomsayer" role with a intriguing mix of world weary cynicism, sharpness, and concern. I ended up caring deeply about all four of the siblings, and the script hit just the right notes of affection and antagonism between them.  (The actors who played the younger siblings were hilarious and adorable without being annoyingly precocious.) I have speculated that part of the reason why  people may have ended up turning this movie off before the end was because they were worried about the fates of the kids. (Go below the Ko-Fi button and highlight the text by the asterisk if you simply must know before watching until the end.) 

There was also just the right amount of humor (largely from the younger siblings) to set off the more intense sequences. Was I scared? Definitely creeped out, more creeped out by some lovely subtle touches than the full on horror sequences. (The bit with the glass rolling on the kitchen floor? *shivers*)  There was one beautifully set up jump scare that got me.  (I enjoy jump scares when they are done well, and not over used.)

The only thing I really disliked (a thing I dislike greatly about many of these types of movies) was the "This was based on a True Story!" hype. I know that sort of thing is supposed to make these types of movies Even. Scarier! in some way, but for me, honestly, it just ends up making it harder to suspend my disbelief. I'm pretty skeptical about the supernatural, despite my love for stories about it.

*I feel compelled to add that the representation of disability in horror is often problematic and I'm sure this is no exception, but I did really love the character. There was also a bit of a subtle push back against the idea that an old, frail, and disabled woman could not also be mentally sharp.  (Google "disability in horror" and read some disabled voices on this subject, they can talk about it far more knowledgeably than I)

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***All the kids except Veronica survive to the end of the movie.

Because I love it. I've watched this every Halloween for the past three or four years now. Intertwined anthology type storytelling with a twist or two, and just lots and lots of fun. I thought I had already forced Glenn to watch this one, but apparently hadn't, so I had the added fun of sharing it with him this year.

As we approached Halloween, we went thematic with one of the Halloween movies. And that's how we proceeded to be bored for an hour and half. I don't have a whole lot to say about this one, other than that we didn't like it. Laurie Strode was a weak, whiny, nervous alcoholic mess for the first 3/4 of the movie. (I wouldn't begrudge anybody for being a mess after trauma- but in horror movies that's not really what we want to see from our final girls, especially not iconic ones.) The idea of Michael Myers driving a car is just...weird. There's a technique often used in horror, where we the audience see the monster walk by in a doorway, or appear behind a character- where we see the monster but the character doesn't? That got used in this movie. A LOT. I usually love that sort of thing, but the filmmakers repeated that as a way to get a scare so many times that I got bored with it. LL Cool J was mildly amusing as the security guard with ambitions to write erotica, and that was the best part of the movie.

Less of a horror comedy, and more of a comedy about horror movies. (Tip of the hat to my husband Glenn for that description.) It's cute and funny with lots of fun little easter eggs for horror fans. It felt a little "Hallmark movie," but sometimes you're in the mood for something sweet and light (which I was when we watched it.)

The most optimistic and hopeful nihilistic post-apocalyptic thing I've ever seen. And yes I understand that that sentence sounds completely baffling and like an oxymoron, but I stand by it.

 This was one we had been thinking about watching for a while, but didn't know much about other than "Henry Rollins is in it" Other than anticipating a solid performance from Rollins, it was not what we were expecting, at all. It was way, way better. If you like black humor, watch it. If you like deadpan humor, that goes double. If you like understated humor watch it. You might not be ROFLMAO, but you will thoroughly enjoy it.

Nostalgia strikes again. Many many years ago, a boy and a girl went to see this (along with "Innocent Blood" and "Hellraiser III") at one of those vanishing "Drive In Movie Theatre" things. (That would be me, a boy named Glenn, and we've now been married for almost 21 years.)

I can not remember where this fell in the scheme of the triple feature, but it was the one I remembered the least about. We had since re-watched the other two, and this one was on Amazon Prime, so we thought we'd give it a re-watch. There was apparently a good reason I had not remembered much about this one.

Much like the first Pet Sematary, this one strives to achieve emotional resonance with tragic deaths. And fails almost completely. None of the characters are very likeable or memorable. We have two completely one dimensional (And therefore boring) "bully" characters. Although the actor playing Gus did seem to be having fun chewing scenery once his character had come back from the dead. This one has a solitary character with the folksy Maine accent, and there is not a trace of it in any of the other locals. (Maybe everybody else just moved to town as well?)  This one has a bit more in the way of creepy visuals and special effects than the preceding movie, but not much else to recommend it.  This one also earns a solid "Meh."

It had been a long time since I had seen this filmic adaptation of Stephen King's novel. I watched it in high school, so well over twenty years ago. I remembered it as being creepy and a little heartbreaking. I had been a little reluctant to re-watch it since I knew it revolved around the death of a child, and being a parent sometimes those things hit me harder now.

I needn't have worried. I didn't care about or believe in any of the characters enough to be emotionally affected. I'm not sure if it was bad directing, bad dialogue, bad acting, or an unholy combination of all three, but unfortunately my emotional state could mostly be described as "bored." The plot is so ridiculous and so lacking in motivation from the characters at certain points as to be nonsensical. Nothing that is supposed to be creepy ever quite gets there. The depiction of Zelda (the deceased sister of Rachel Creed) perpetuates illness/disability as something frightening, and is pretty damn dehumanizing. (I remember being thoroughly creeped out by the depiction as a teenager. As a hopefully more knowledgeable and compassionate adult, it just strikes me as gross.)  It's kind of fun to see Fred Gwynne in a performance as the folksy next door neighbor, and Brad Greenquist is somewhat entertaining as the ghost character (who fails to have any actual impact on the plot) but other than that? meh.